In 2020, the COVID disaster darkened all 41 theaters on Broadway, closed 60 Off-Broadway shows, and padlocked 18 Off-Off-Broadway plays for an unprecedented 15 months. Over 1 million jobs were lost when the virus forced vacationers to stay home.

Today, “Big Apple” musicals and magnificent attractions like museums, galleries, parks, and zoos are booming again. Visitors are returning in nearly pre-pandemic numbers and tourists are thrilled, except for one crying shame—the call of nature!

Sadly, the number of lavatories has not improved. New York City has a ratio of just 16 public restrooms per 100,000 people. The “bad” Apple sinks to the bottom of the barrel, ranking 93rd for its embarrassing proportion of facilities to people.

Equally disconcerting are the eateries and taverns that display their menus for sidewalk viewing but also attach a bold sign warning that bathrooms are “for patrons only.” Bladders beware. These proprietors are prepared to enforce their rules and will tell violators to pony up.

However, there was one vacationing father of two five-year-olds who had a secret solution up his paternal sleeve in case of a urinary emergency. Witness Dublin native 26-year-old Gerald O’Hanlon, who treated his five-year-old twins, Sean and Patrick, to a father-and-sons holiday in Central Park. After a lengthy hike along the meadow’s winding trails, 30 minutes of Frisbee tossing on the great lawn, a tour of Belvedere Castle, a carriage ride augmented by the horseman-commentator’s familiar Irish brogue, followed by an hour-long rowboat excursion on the Lake, it was time for lunch.

With dad’s help, the boys split a foot-long hot dog, making sure each half held the same distribution of toppings and had equal garnishes of chili, melted cheese, bacon bits, onions and all the pickled relish that the oversized bun could hold. When they asked about a beverage, dad limited each tyke to three gulps from his water bottle and not a drop more.

After lunch they enjoyed a lengthy turn on the Central Park Carousel, one of the largest merry-go-rounds in the country, and trekked the seven-acre Central Park Zoo with its three unique habitats—the Tropic Zone, Temperate Territory, and the Polar Circle—home to 23 different waterfowls and 74 penguins. They ended their visit with a tour of the Tisch Children’s Zoo, where they encountered goats, sheep, some of the world’s most unique ducks, and the only cow that can call Manhattan its mooing-full home.

The walk back to their hotel was a quiet jaunt until Sean tugged at his father’s sleeve and announced, “Leithreas” which is Irish for toilet. Of course, Patrick was quick to add “I need to pee too!” Without batting an eye Gerald replied, “No you don’t.” “Okay,” the boys chimed in unison and continued their leisurely stroll until they reached their lodgings.

Why did Gerald tell the twins “No, they did not have to go?” Simple. He knew how much liquid they had to drink. Since he had taken control of their water sips at lunch, this wise father knew how long the boys could travel without heeding the call of nature. Good parents know how to treat and train their kids into becoming happy and healthy adults.

Holy Homework:
This month, let’s offer some prayers of Thanksgiving in honor of those dearly beloved dads who spend so much quality time with their children that they know exactly when to say yes and when to say no.

Happy Father’s Day!